Part 3:
“Comments on YouTube Videos”
When people ask me where I think the vilest cesspool of inbred retards on the internet call their home, they would probably expect an answer like “4chan” or “LUEshi” or “pen-island.com.” They couldn’t be more wrong. I would tell them that YouTube and its comment system is by far the lowest, most indecipherable pile of feces I have ever laid eyes upon. Let’s take a look at the various forms of retardation:
Example #1: The Illegible Troll
Comments like these put the “laughter” in “manslaughter.” These ludicrous comments aren’t even worth making sense of. It makes you wonder if there are actual people that spend their days searching for random videos online only to post an unreadable hate-filled comment to show their disapproval.
I think I may have found myself I new hobby!
Example #2: The Plot Spoiler
This is the kind of sick, twisted, and malicious person that finds joy in revealing key plot changes and surprises in its comments. (Yes, these people are so vile; I’m not even going to bother assigning them a gender) They say things like, “omg I cant beleve dat dude in saw wasn’t rlly ded!” and “omg anakin is darth vadr! I nvr evn new!” Not that these things came as a surprise to me, but there’s no sense in mentioning them in your comment. People watch the movie so that they can see these things for themselves, not have them prematurely revealed through your imbecilic, thickheaded, moronic comments.
You wouldn’t want to hear a person scream out the ending of a movie while in a real movie theatre, so please, don’t be a prick! Just rate the video!
Example #3: The Quoter
These people like to quote the funniest part of the video they just watched, in case the person watching the video misses it or couldn’t understand it. Sounds like a noble cause, right? Right? Wrong. If I wanted to know which part of the video they thought was funniest, I’d send them a survey. I don’t care if their memory is good enough to write down word-for-word what their favorite part of the movie was. I don’t care if they “lol fell off my chare lafghing! Loljk!” I don’t care if this video, along with the other 7000 videos on their favorites list are the funniest thing they’ve ever seen.
Liked the video? Give it a good rating; don’t make yourself look like a douche silo with a quote comment.
Example #4: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
You wouldn’t believe the number of successful celebrity and anonymous nerd relationships that were started from a single “ur hot lol” YouTube comment. Oh wait, that never happens! Even if *Insert name of famous hot girl here* herself posted the video and actually took the time to read the thousands of illegible comments, you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of actually getting their attention. Go back to Myspace! At least the fake pinups there will leave you a generic comment once every blue moon, if you’re lucky. It’s people like example #4 here that would actually make the effort to take their dick out of their hand after watching the video and type up a marriage proposal.
Here’s some advice: Keep it in your pants, and keep your comments to yourself.
These are all the different examples of annoying comments I can think of without having to actually sift through more of this garbage. Remember kiddies, if you’re ever feeling stupid or incompetent, just browse YouTube for a while and witness the utterly mindless drivel therein. You’ll be feeling like part of the master race in no time!
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